Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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