Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
