Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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