her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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