yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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