You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
