Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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