I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
