I hope mine doesn't look like that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize