I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
