worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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