Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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