my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
