My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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