So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
