All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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