I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize