I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
