my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
