guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
