meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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