don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
