The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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