I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
