Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
