Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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