I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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