And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize