I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You left your phone here
Wait...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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