A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
