Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
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I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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