I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
