I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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