i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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