whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
