I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
