I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
