new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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