i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There are leaves in my underwear?
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