Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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