I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
