My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
