But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
