Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
