We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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