We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
