hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
