So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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