Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
