I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
