i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
