What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mondays should just be called national damage control day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
