Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize