I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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