Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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