Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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