i can't believe i had my finger in that
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
