When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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