You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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