you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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