he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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