literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
