you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
