the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize