just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
