Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
