im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
God I need to hump something, right now.
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