6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
