haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
