He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
