Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
