the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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