Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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