Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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