The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
