She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
